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why do guys take so long to text back

Why do guys take so long to text back?

Sometimes there could be another reason to answer the question “why do guys take so long to text back” They aren’t playing mind games or are just busy.

They make be checking you out on Facebook or Instagram!

A recent survey from 2016 showed that more then 90 percent of young adults admitted to researching there partner or someone they are dating online. If it was before a first date a staggering 91% percent of people admitted to researching about the person on Facebook or Google before they went on the first date.

With out expanding dating pool, we are stating to meet people we hardly know from online dating sites such as Tinder and POF, including social strangers with no previous connection to us. Fortunately the same technology you use to connect with people online can be the same technology to help us figure out the people we are dating. They could have a cute angry cat fixation or could be an exotic animal poacher killing elephants in the rain forrests of India.


Usually the internet turns up a little more then biographical information, some with smug selfies on Facebook, Instagram. People have said that this helps then connect easily on the first date as it gives clues about a persons interests and personality before meeting them. This makes more sense as the photographs and descriptions on a persons Instagram or Facebook account may more accurately reflect there personality then their online dating profile.

Other can also see this process as harmful, as reading to much into a persons personality online from their Facebook history can deprive them of discovering something new about someone.

With texting and text dating it is a medium that conditions our minds to work differently then it did before phone calls were the only line of communication available.


Text after first date thought –  Why do guys take so long to text back?

Before everyone had there iPhone handy people could wait up to a few days before they would call back before reaching a point where the other person would start getting concerned. Texting has allowed us to get a much quicker response, and has conditioned us to expect a fast response back. Research has show that the time frame can vary for text replies, anywhere from a few seconds to 10 minutes, this is also dependent on the previous communication.

“People come to expect an outcome and stop tolerating any kind of delay”

With the rise of instant information with social media and TV we are educated with the expectation of a quick reply.




When you are learning how to start texting a girl, someone who is new to you or someone you hardly have met, there is a lot of uncertainty and anticipation as the whole system is revolved around expecting a reply back.

You want it! You need it right away! And if it doesn’t come in time… your mental process goes into overdrive and you are unable how to handle the timeless response.

With romantic situations, waiting can cause a sense of uneasiness.

Even in a work situation I have asked a friend:

“Hey would you mind checking out this Youtube video I made, I just want to get some views on it, so I can get some good feedback for improvement”.

I texted it at 11am and I got no immediate response, I didn’t hear back until the next day at 10am. During that time I over thought the experience and worried that I had crossed the boundaries or our working friendship and that it was not proper for me to ask. In the end I found out when he said:

“sure I checked it out, looks good!”

I had nothing to worry about.


Why do guys take so long to text back?

Based on this the effect of waiting can be powerful in committed friendships and with dating, so for the question being asked,  It makes sense that physiological principles seems to be pointing to a strategy that works for singles trying to build an attraction.

For instance say you go out to the club, you are a man and you meet 3 women that night and you get there numbers. The next day you send the first text message. Two of the women reply straight away, yet the third women does not reply. The first two women have show an interest, indicating this by texting back, yet the woman that has not replied has created uncertainty in your mind which leads you to create the thought of Why?

Did you do something wrong, you keep thinking;

“Why the hell did she not text me back!, did I make a mistake, what’s wrong!”

This has created uncertainty, which studies have show can lead to a strong romantic attraction.


first text message


Depending on the parties involved it can be complicated to play the game of who can win, there is a desire for us to have the upper hand, so if you are texting a girl you like and she waits 10 minutes to text you back, I then wait twenty to reply, which sounds stupid but the way I see it we both know they are glued to their phone, everyone is! Have you been sitting on the bus and seen every person glued to there phone as they wait to arrive at there next destination. So if you are going to play the game, you can play it better.

There are other notions at play as well, some people subscribed to this notion of doubling the time to reply back as the time of the first text message. Other people have also noted they will wait a few minutes to reply to create the reality that they have more important things going on in there life they checking out this phone. Others have argues that waiting 3 minutes seemed just about right.




But why does this work for us! Why do so many people think about this are these strategies really lined up with psychological studies.

The notion of playing the hard to get game has been around since the early ages.

Socrates once said:

“You must prompt them by being a model of society, show your reluctance to yield, by holding back until they are keen as they can be, for then the gifts received will be much more for the recipient, then from the offer before they are desired”.


Keeping this in mind people tend to disregard of discount something that is always easily available to them. Do you ever finding yourself wanting something you can’t have or pay attention to people who are less interested in you or seem quite distant?

Lets look at the theory of Pavlov’s dog on the topic of the power of waiting. Behavioral scientist have shed some light on why these waiting techniques can be powerful. Lets take a look at the theory that if you text back right away you are less appealing. One of the most significant finds is based on “reward uncertainty”.

Mice cannot predict whether pushing a leaver will give them food, this can dramatically increase their interest in getting a reward while enhancing there dopamine level they can get a rush of adrenaline waiting in anticipation for the next supply of food.

This can be related to the situation of a text back considering it as reward. Consider the fact lab animals get rewarded with food when they push the lever, every time it will get slower, as they know the next time they push it they will get the food reward they require. So basically if your a guy or girl who texts back immediately, you are taken for granted and lower your value as a reward. As a result the person doesn’t feel the same urge to text you, in the same case of pushing the lever for the animal waiting for the food.

Another thing to also consider is the scarcity theory, something that is less available seems more valuable or desirable. When you are texting someone infrequently you are creating a scarcity and you can make yourself more attractive.

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One comment

  1. Hah, i like it, play the game if they text in 5 minutes reply back in 10 minutes, i will try this with the girl I am dating now, met through a friend, lets see if it works and i stay on her mind!

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