Here we are in 2019 and discussing Dildo’s still seems to be Taboo for so many people. Why is that?
Way back in the mid-90’s I was watching a show on TV called “SEX”. My parents were staying with me and thought they would watch it too for a laugh. Out of nowhere my Mother launches; “I can understand what two gay men do for sex; they have something to use and somewhere to put it”. Highly technical there Mum, I thought to myself. (LOL).
Then she continued; “… but what do lesbians do? How do they have sex?”. My Father looked at me and with great handball skills said; “I will leave it for you to answer that one”. Gee thanks Dad (LOL).
I proceeded to explain to her that they could use a Vibrator or a Dildo. I could see my Father trying to control his emotions and to this day I am not certain even he knew that.
I could see my Mother digesting my response, and sure enough she launched again; “What’s a Dildo?”.
After explaining to her that it was a penis-shaped toy that a woman could pleasure herself with or a woman and her partner of either sex could use, I was awaiting her response with baited breath. Mt Father on the other hand had gone quiet as a mouse.
“How bloody ridiculous; if it is shaped like a life size penis then why not just use the real thing” she replied.
“That’s the whole point Mum; they like the sensation a penis-shaped object gives them; they just don’t want it attached to a Man” I responded.
“Well that is just plain ridiculous; I’ve never heard anything like that in my life” she replied, as my Father proceeded to ask “Who would like a cup of tea?”.
The irony is that this occurred around 25+ years ago and here we are in 2019 and in some respects that type of ignorance still holds people back from openly discussing Dildos or Dongs.
Just this week there has been news out of London where Australian actress Cate Blanchett is performing in a remake of a play called “When We Have Sufficiently Tortured Each Other”; itself based on an 18th Century Novel called “Pamela”.
The play features an orgy scene set in a car, domestic violence as well as a scene using a Strap-on Dildo; a brave set of inclusions in a play. However, many critics were incensed and giving scathing reviews, suggesting people not waste their money.
There were mass walk outs from the theatre and even an ambulance was called after one patron fainted.
Simply, it appears that even in 2019 we are still not able to be non-judgmental and just appreciate that art is just that; and something that is intended to get an emotional response of some sort; whether positive or negative. In turn, it would appear that also in 2019 we still find the talk and act of something like a dildo to still be so confronting.
The fact is folks, people do masturbate and they have sex, they enjoy sex too and something like a dildo or dong plays a part in those acts.
Another irony is that those items are just penis-shaped objects made out of the exact same materials that could have been molded to make a toy animal or other children’s toys. Go figure.
The point of this article is to try and debunk some stigma’s about dildos and dongs so that there is more knowledge out there about what they are, and how they are used.
Dildo’s and Dongs are for many sexual orientations
The simple fact is that it isn’t just women or lesbian women in particular who use and get enjoyment from using a dildo or dong. We need to be real and accept that different people have different ways of getting their sexual satisfaction fulfilled.
Here are a few combinations:
The self-pleasuring female
Many single women have sexual needs that cannot be fulfilled because there is no significant other in their life at that time. In turn, they may have a high sex drive and need to masturbate often and in particular in a way that there is some form of penetration involved to help them orgasm and a dildo can help in that regard. Often the women may also be very young, has never had penetrative sex and wants to know how that feels.
All of these situations can involve using a dildo to help with those needs and curiosities.
A great dildo to choose initially is one with a suction cap, so that the woman can keep her hands free through the self-pleasuring session. This could even include fixing the suction cap to the walls inside their shower so that they also get that extra sensation of water running over them while they masturbate. When the suction cup is fixed to the wall it also allows the women to practice oral sex on the dildo if she is inexperienced and working on her technique or if she gets extra pleasure from this.
For additional pleasure there are also dildos that vibrate for extra sensation as well as models produced in different colors if that adds to the sexual awareness and sexual pleasure for the woman.
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The self-pleasuring male
Most guys masturbate and get a great amount of pleasure from it. For the young male adult exploring his sexuality it can be, at times, a dark and lonely place. There can be confusion and/or curiosity of whether they are straight, gay, bi-sexual, bi-curious or just interested in a bit of anal play because of how sensitive that part of his body feels.
As above a great dildo to choose initially is one with a suction cap, so that the man can keep her hands free through the self-pleasuring session. This could even include fixing the suction cap to the walls inside their shower so that they also get that extra sensation of water running over them while they masturbate. When the suction cup is fixed to the wall it also allows the man to practice oral sex on the dildo if he is inexperienced and working on his technique or if he gets extra pleasure from this.
Other men may simply get off on masturbating as often as possible, or as their only form of sexual release, or when they are not getting enough sexual intimacy with their partner.
There are some great vibrating dildos that can help satisfy the more experienced men.
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The Lesbian couple
For the lesbian couple who like to turns using toys and sex aids with their partner there are some amazing dildos in the market, some that are of soft silicone or jelly, harden plastic ones, glass or metal, some with long handles like a sword, vibrating ones, and of course different colors.
There are also a variety if slim “Benders” that can appeal, especially as it allows penetration to both parties at the same time, adding a great new sexual experience between the couple. Along the same lines of double fun are the various “Dongs” available. Basically, these are more lifelike, as is the Dildo, but with twin heads so that both women can have penetration at the same time.
Strap-on dildo’s can be a great accessory for the lesbian couple, especially if it allows one party to be either a dominant or a submissive depending on the sexual dynamics of your relationship.
The Straight Couple, The Bisexual couple, Bi-curious and Anal Play Male
All sorts of sexual awareness and sexual pleasure is available using dildos and dongs with these various sexual orientations.
For straight couples, sometimes the woman has difficulty reaching orgasm with her partner, or simply love being played with using a sex toy or aid. She may also like her partner being the one using the dildo on her and that can also combine well with a bit of bondage where she is at the mercy of her partner while he penetrates her with the toy. She may also like being penetrated anally and vaginally at the same time and depending on her preferences may use the penis for one hole and the dildo for the other, or swap it around for even more pleasure.
For the Bi-sexual and Bi-Curious couples, she may also like being penetrated anally and vaginally at the same time and depending on her preferences may use the penis for one hole and the dildo for the other, or swap it around for even more pleasure. The male may also like to experience the dildo or dong with his partner and depending on preference may also like the dildo or dong in his anus, or, by using the double ended dong so that he and his partner both have a dong head in their anus at the same time while they fuck each other.
The Anal Play Male – There are many straight men out there who will always be straight, have no sexual attraction towards other men at all, yet are so sensitive in the anal region that they have either a passive of aggressive need for sexual stimulation and pleasure. They may do this in private or with their partner and find that a dildo gives them immense pleasure and orgasms.
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The Gay Couple
Gay couples tend to fall into one being a “Top” and the other being a “Bottom” for obvious reasons; or they may be “Versatile” and take turns in the different roles. However, you will find in that mix people who cannot and will not “Bottom” under any circumstances and others who may be a “Bottom” themselves but cannot and will not “Top” their partner at all.
These and other scenario’s open up the use of dildos and dongs for the gay couple, so that a “versatile” or “bottom” couple could use a double headed dong to penetrate each other at the same time. A guy could use a dildo on his partner when reluctant to penetrate him anally with his own penis.
No matter what the scenario is, there are many fantastic dildo and dong products in the market place along with vibrating penis extenders, anal prostate massagers, and glass and metal anal toys.
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Health, Menopause & Men
Our health can be affected at various times in our life; often we have no control over what is going on inside us. As a result, it may mean a temporary or even permanent loss of libido, loss of sensation, loss of sexual pleasure. Sometimes these events may be purely physical, maybe related to stress and overwork, post-operative side effects and at other times loss of self esteem or even mental health issues can be involved.
For women Menopause is something that can have massive issues, not just because of changes to your sex drive, but decreased lubrication can reduce sensation, pleasure and even become very painful. Mood swings can also come to the fore for some women; something that may even push a partner away and potential create relationship issues for you both.
For men Pre-erectile Dysfunction or Erectile Dysfunction can appear without warning and be associated with stress, health issues such as circulation and ageing process.
Irrespective of your situation there are products and services on the market that can help:
If you are using any sex toy or sex aid that involves penetrative sex then always use plenty of lube, on the actual toy and the body part you are putting it into. Hygiene plays a big part here too; always make sure your sex toys and sex aids and hygienically cleaned after every use.
There are products on the market such as Spanish Fly Love Drops that have been shown to have great results and can be used by men or women. There is also the Indian God Lotion that has been shown to assist with prolonged erections; never a bad thing!
In the gay scene in particular the use of Poppers, or Amyl Nitrite (not to be confused with Amyl Nitrate), can at times be overdone. There can be side effects and health issues and in many respects is more like a drug. Personally, I would suggest talking to your Doctor first before using them.
Your Doctor and/or Therapist. Because some of your sexual function issues have health concerns attached to them it is always best to discuss your health issues first with your Doctor and/or Therapist.
Time to fly
Hopefully our article here today will help you demystify what dildos and dongs are; how they are an important part of your sexual repertoire, whether that may be now or at some time in the future. They are not dirty; they are not dangerous when used properly, with lots of lube and when hygienically cleaned after each use. They are educational for those that are exploring sex or sexuality. They can do wonders for sexual awareness, sexual satisfaction and the sexual bond with your partner, or just yourself if using them for self-pleasuring purposes. They are most definitely not just a toy or aid for lesbian women or gay men and can very much add excitement and pleasure to and sexual orientation.
Go forth and explore, experiment and enjoy. Maybe even go watch a play with a Strap-on Dildo being used.
… and to my Mother; enjoy the read; and to my Father, forget the cup of tea and you enjoy the read too!