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How Mindfulness Can Help You

How Mindfulness Can Help You Have A Better Sex Life

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Many great guides and relationship advice sources are out there but often their content is skewed more towards Heterosexual relationships so we are attempting here to present information that covers many sexual orientations.

Our brain can be our greatest hindrance when it comes to sex; in particular in relation to body image, genital size, ignorance, sexual performance expectations, arousal, masturbation, religion and upbringing pressures, guilt and fear to name a few examples.

However, we can also use our brain through Mindfulness exercises that can help overcome sexual relationship and performance issues as well as improving your sexual well-being and your sex life overall.

Being kind to ourselves in a nonjudgmental way is at the core of what Mindfulness is about. The use of Mindfulness in relation to sex is that the nonjudgmental emphasis can improve our sexual well-being in ways that we have been unable to achieve and experience previously.

Mindfulness can help us acknowledge and address deep-seated issues that can hold us back not just with our sex lives but our lives overall.

 

 

Mindfulness – An Overview

mindfulness sex

Mindfulness is a psychological process of bringing your attention to experiences occurring in the present moment, that you can develop through the practice of meditation and other training. It is derived from Buddhist traditions, and based on ZenVipassana, and Tibetan meditation techniques.

 

 

Psychiatry and Clinical psychology have developed many therapeutic applications based on mindfulness for helping people experiencing various psychological conditions since the 1970s. As a practice Mindfulness has been used to reduce symptoms of depression and to reduce stress, anxiety, and the treatment of drug addiction.

There are successful programs that have been adopted in schools, prisons, hospitals, veterans’ centers, and other environments. Mindfulness programs have been successful for additional outcomes such as for healthy aging, weight management, athletic performance, and assisting children with special needs.

Mindfulness practice involves the process of developing the skill of bringing your attention to whatever is happening in the present moment. Meditators are recommended to start with short periods (around 10 minutes or so) of meditation practice per day. As you practice regularly, it becomes easier to keep your attention focused on breathing.

Research has shown that Mindfulness has also been used as a way of helping to improve your sex life; that topic being the object of this post. Much of what is written about practicing Mindfulness to have better sex is written from the perspective of a woman having sex with a male. We will also share ways that Mindfulness can be used for various other sexual orientation perspectives.

 

female mindfulness

The Straight Woman And Mindfulness For Better Sex

Why Mindfulness?

We all lead busy lives and they seem to be getting busier all the time. Attached to this frenetic pace of life are pressures (real or perceived) to fund a particular lifestyle, coping with work demands, stress, depression, levels of required multi-tasking, developing a career path, family pressures, and finding time for sex.

These pressures can often impact on our libido, sexual performance, sexual dysfunction and lack of sexual satisfaction and desirability.

Sex and Meditation may not be the two things people usually put together. Sex with another person is usually noisier. By contrast, Meditation usually involves sitting alone, silently.

However, sex is much more than just a physical activity. The enjoyment that you get from it often reflects your attitude toward the experience. Because of this, Mindfulness can play a big part in helping you have the best possible experience. The mental aspect of sex is hugely important in developing and maintaining intimacy and keeping your sex life alive.

 

 

breating

Mindfulness And Breath

An important component of Mindfulness Meditation is focusing on your breath. There are three simple steps you can follow to take notice of your breath during Meditation:

Make sure that you are in a comfortable position, taking notice of your body and surroundings with your eyes closed.

Be gentle with your movements as your attention becomes centered on your breath; both in-breath and out-breath, as well as taking notice of sensations through your body, including your chest and nostrils.

Your level of focus on breath-related sensations will start to filter through and the transition from in-breath to out-breath back to in-breath etc. will become more noticeable.

As you become more practiced at other aspects of your breath including how fast you are breathing, how deep etc. and may also progress to pick up changes in your breath when facing tension in your body.

Whether you are still taking notice of your breathing during Mindfulness Meditation it is common for your mind to wander; such as to other sounds or movements in your surrounds (inside and/or outside); scents from candles etc.

You mind also may wander to other things such as wondering if you are doing the meditation properly, thinking about other events happening in your life as well as thinking about your sexual functioning.

While much of what you have just read relates to paying attention during a Meditation it is important to remember that it is also important how we pay attention as a key component of Mindfulness is to be totally non-judgmental when doing so.

There is a great quote by Napoleon Bonaparte that has relevance in this situation; “The best cure for the body is a quiet mind”.

In a Mindfulness Meditation context this can be interpreted that the awareness experience during a Meditation should not be judged or analyzed as it becomes presented to you.

 

 

body awareness

 

How To Be More Aware Of Your Body

Structured programs on Mindfulness are often around 8 weeks in duration; something that many women initially find difficult to visualize how they can fit a 45-minute practice into every day of that 8-week period. Simply, we see our lifestyle as something that robs us of time for many other things that we would like to do.

In that structure program environment most women share their experiences on how they managed to find the time for exercises as well as the sensations and awareness of their body that they experienced. This awareness is key because it opens up how Mindfulness can help you to open up your life to a new way of experiencing things.

It is completely normal for a woman to experience genital sensations as they become more of their body awareness development. Try and notice what thoughts you have as you experience these sensations. Another very normal occurrence is you to start feeling emotions like happiness, sadness, being anxious or frustrated.

What ever emotions do surface do not try and ignore the negative ones as Mindfulness is all about awareness and observations of all emotion types including negative, positive or neutral.

For many women this can be the first time that they have dealt with negative emotions in a non-judgmental way.

Once again, your breath may change, you will be more aware of things like your posture and sensations in many different parts of your body. With practice you will find that you can start to think of a particular area in your body and you may find that you can then feel sensations in that area.

With time your awareness will allow you to think of many areas of your body and you will be able to work your way from head to toe.

Focusing on your genital region in to a greater level will start opening up your sexual awareness; as after all the point here is to use Mindfulness to assist the straight Woman to experience and enjoy better sex.

Body image and self esteem can be serious roadblocks to sexual satisfaction for many women. One great technique is to stand stark naked in front of a full-length mirror after you get out of the shower or bath.

Drink in your observations as you look and touch all areas over your body; remembering that the objective is to be totally non-judgmental.

However, take into account if there are parts of your body that you feel good about and/or that give you pleasure or that you could give more attention to. Once again, this process may bring up emotions for you, both positive or negative. The objective of this exercise is to feel a balance between your body, emotions, and satisfaction levels.

This will set you up to reflect on the same at various times through the day and/or night.

It is not uncommon after an exercise like the one above that women experience a better relationship overall and not just a better Sex Life. In addition, many women find that their anxiety levels drop, they can also experience better mood and general well-being.

To add more depth to your results you could even devote an entire Mindfulness Meditation exercise to increasing your sexual awareness. This would be experienced on your own, so masturbation and touch are important, and you may wish to incorporate sex aids and toys such as Vibrators, Dildo’s or Erotica.

Serious illness or Menopause can also be things that surface for women during Mindfulness Meditation; in particular with regard to self-esteem, feelings of sexual worth and awareness.

All of these things can be dealt with so that a greater level of confidence can be present in your sex life and your relationship.

Because of the non-judgmental approach used in Mindfulness Meditation what is needed is to be grateful for what you already have, so that Mindfulness may then be the best way for you to re-establish passion and sexual desire within your relationship.

 

mindfulness help

 

Can You Improve Your Attention Through Mindfulness?

Inattention and distraction can easily affect your sexual arousal; and even more so for people with sexual difficulties. There is evidence that sexual functioning can improve with improved attention in women with problems such as arousal or their feelings of lack of sexual desire.

Mindfulness can definitely be one of the most effective ways to boost sexual function as well as increasing your attention levels.

The brain is actually our strongest sex organ. There are studies that show women with a low sexual desire actually spend less time attending to sexual signs and instead spend more time monitoring and evaluating how they respond to sexual responses.

This is definitely shown through research to differences within the brain that highlight these changes are in the area of the brain associated with judgments about their feelings.

A considerable amount could be written about changes within various areas of the brain and how these changes can impact on the quality of your sexual functioning. However, there are greater gains to be had by starting on the path to Mindfulness Meditation as it can be a natural response to search wide and far for answers.

Many of those answers can be released by being non-judgmental and pushing forward yourself with a positive approach to change.

 

how does mindfulness work

So How Does Mindfulness Work?

Some of the key benefits of Mindfulness is the ability to focus greater on the here-and-now. Tied in with this is the increased awareness of your sexual signs both within yourself and the environment and these things add to your feeling of sexual worth and stimulation. As a result of all of the above many women find an increased motivation for sex due to greater arousal awareness and greater sexual desire.

Because Mindfulness is driven by being non-judgmental, compassionate, kind as well as being in the here-and-now it then allows us to live a new way.

 

 

lesbian mindfulness

 

How Can Mindfulness Make Sex Better For A Lesbian Woman?

Everything in Points 1 and 2 above relates to all women, however there are other areas that need to be talked abut more here when it comes to lesbian women and their sex life. Obviously how Lesbian women have sex has to be different from straight women. That means that Lesbian women often are more attuned to touch, oral sex, anal play, use of sex aids and toys and self-pleasuring through masturbation.

There can often also be guilt, fear and awkwardness in their thoughts and it is not uncommon for Lesbian women to also have depression and other mental health issues.

All of the things listed above though are things that the introduction and use of Mindfulness can pay massive dividends; which is where all of the points above can assist greatly with that life and sex life changes that they are looking for.

While Lesbian women may be more attuned to the use of touch, oral, anal play, sex toys etc. it is also important to encourage their use even further as these things are what become important elements in how they have sex and how they can be brought to orgasm.

It may also imply that because the use of sex toys may be greater than with straight women then they may also be more open to expanding their repertoire through the use of more things such as bondage gear, erotica, costumes as well as toys and aids.

Kissing is also a technique used greatly and is also something that can be enhanced and used even further to that the stimulation for your partner is greater, as is it also for yourself.

Mindfulness has massive benefits for the sex life of Lesbian women particularly as it is done in a non-judgmental, compassionate and caring way.

 

gay men mindfulness

How Can Mindfulness Make Sex Better For A Gay Man?

Once again Points 1 and 2 above have a lot of information and practices that also apply to making a better sex life for Gay Men. However, there are other areas that need to be talked about more here when it comes to Gay Men and their sex life.

Obviously how Gay Men have sex has to be different from straight men. That means that Gay Men often are more attuned to touch, oral sex, anal play, use of sex aids and toys and self-pleasuring through masturbation with a strong emphasis on the use of Gay Porn for stimulation.

There can often also be guilt, fear and awkwardness in their thoughts and it is not uncommon for Gay Men to also have depression and other mental health issues. It is also not uncommon for the Gay Man to seek out random other Men for sex; so that promiscuity can often come to the fore over romance and traditional relationships.

However, because of this they can be very adventurous in how they have sex and they can also be open to change that may lead them down the relationship path as lack of self-worth is often at the base of the lifestyle choices they have made.

 

 

All of the things listed above though are things that the introduction and use of Mindfulness can pay massive dividends; which is where all of the points above can assist greatly with that life and sex life changes that they are looking for.

While Gay Men may be more attuned to the use of touch, oral, anal play, sex toys etc. it is also important to encourage their use even further as these things are what become important elements in how they have sex and how they can be brought to orgasm.

It may also imply that because the use of sex toys may be greater than with straight women then they may also be more open to expanding their repertoire through the use of more things such as leather gear, bondage gear, nipple clips, erotica, costumes as well as toys and aids with an emphasis on things that stimulate their various sexual zones.

Kissing is also a technique used greatly and is also something that can be enhanced and used even further to that the stimulation for your partner is greater, as is it also for yourself.

Mindfulness has massive benefits for the sex life of Gay Men particularly as it is done in a non-judgmental, compassionate and caring way.


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