Most of us have had some form of massage in our lifetime; be that with varying levels of technique and varying levels of satisfaction. I use the term “some form of massage” deliberately because there seems to be a plethora of different techniques out there such as; Sports, Therapeutic, Aromatherapy, Pregnancy, Hydrotherapy, Deep Tissue, Shiatsu, Thai, Lomilomi, Swedish, Relaxation, Sensual, Erotic, Tantric, Yoni and Lingam to name a few.
We are not here to moralize but there are also the dodgy “rub and tug” sessions that are all well known on a quick overseas trip somewhere like Thailand.
The reality is that any massage form involves touch and it is widely known that touch can have therapeutic benefits such as relaxation, and even reduction in pain and anxiety.
Taking that further, massage itself has also shown a huge number of benefits including; improved circulation, reduced muscle tension, stimulation of the lymphatic system, relaxation, improved skin tone, reduction of stress hormones, increased joint mobility and flexibility, improved recovery of soft tissue injuries, heightened mental alertness, and reduced anxiety and depression to name a few.
Many of these benefits are also affecting areas that are known to also improve our sex lives.
For example; achieving a great orgasm for a woman, assistance with arousal for both mean and women, feelings of self-worth and overall sexual awareness and satisfaction can all be hindered by the areas of the body that touch and massage are known to reap rewards.
Which Massage Types Will Help Your Sex Life
For this Blog we are going to focus on the Sensual, Erotic, Tantric, Yoni and Lingam massage types as being those that have the greatest likelihood of increasing your sexual awareness and satisfaction as well as strengthening the sexual bond between you and your sex partner.
Setting the Mood
Before we get to an overview and techniques of the selected massage types there are some things you can do that will make the mood of where you will perform the massage a lot more special.
Making the massage room special
In most situations it will probably be your own bedroom where the massage takes place; unless you have the luxury of a separate room. However; if the major benefits you are trying to achieve are greater levels of sexual awareness and sexual satisfaction with your partner, then you probably would want to be doing the massage in your bedroom so that you associate this increased pleasure where you both have most of your sex.
As this is going to be an addition to you and your partner’s sexual routine then you could justify the time, effort and dollar spend to make that room a bit more special.
If you are using your bedroom, have a good look and ask yourself does it look just like somewhere to sleep or could you make it look and feel a whole lot sexier? Does the room need some mood lighting, or candles – either fragrant or sexy one’s for the mood.
Bed, floor, mat or table?
If you have made the bed look beautiful in anticipation of some great post-massage lovemaking then you won’t want to get massage oils on your lovely linen. Alternatives could include having a separate set of linen for the bed when massaging; but that’s a romance killer of you want to then change the linen again before falling asleep in each other’s arms rather than on the post massage oily sheets.
You could always perform the massage on the floor or on a mat; but frankly if it’s not comfortable then those thoughts will remain with you whenever massage and sex are on the agenda together.
The best solution if this is going to be a regular part of your lovemaking is to invest in a massage table; they are available quite affordably online; many in the $100 – $200 price range. You don’t need to buy the most expensive one on the market – just make sure the specifications cover the maximum weight you need it to carry and that it is easily collapsible to slide under the bed for storage.
What about the bathroom?
Personally, if I was doing the massage on my partner, I would suggest they have a pre-massage shower just so they feel clean and ready for the massage; and it washes away all the grime etc. from the day.
Nice towels. Beautiful toiletries, more mood lighting and candles finish off the mood setting side of things.
Removing the massage oil after the massage can be done with towels to blot the oils, or small hand towels or face-washers that have been soaked in warm water and then squeezed (unless you have the luxury of a small towel steamer); or finish with a shower for two where you wash each other slowly and seductively before re-entering the bedroom.
Obviously, you want the person being massaged to be nude and a great mood setter is for you to remove their clothing one piece at a time and then lead them into the bathroom for that pre-massage shower.
You may also want to be nude while you massage your partner which can be so sexy. However, it is often even more sexy and seductive to begin with you being dressed to start with. You may have your own “dress up” preferences already; the classic French Maid Costumes, Lingerie, Schoolgirl, Schoolboy, Business Suit and Tie, or to spice things up even more outfits made from Latex, Leather and Studs etc. Let your imagination go wild as after all the whole objective is to boost your self-esteem, sexual awareness and sexual satisfaction.
Sex Toys and Sex Aids
With the Tantric and Lingam massages there is no objective to make the man ejaculate. However, you may want to make your own rules on that one; after all, “what happens, happens”, Right?
With the Sensual Massage you may want to “tease” and “edge” your partner through the Massage, and with the Erotic Massage you may be even more keen to explore your “Kink” and Fantasy side of things where there are so many options to choose from way beyond the costumes. This could include the use of Vibrators, Dildo’s (single or double ended), Vibrating Penis extenders, Strap on Harnesses and Cocks, Nipple Rings and Clamps, Anal and/or Prostate Massagers and Penis Pumps to name a few.
To get the most out of your Massage, Post Massage, Shower and Love Making session you need to be in a calm and comfortable setting, so having something like Porn playing on the TV at the same time is not really ideal. However, as consenting adults you may want to discuss and mutually agree to set up your camera and just leave it running through your entire “moment” as your own special homemade Porn for later.
Oils and Lube
Massage Oils are something you want to make sure you have plenty of well in advance. Take into account the oil should be a suitable massage oil, free from allergens (such as from nuts) so that you don’t get the wrong reaction to what you were after. Something like Sweet Almond oil or Coconut oil can work well.
Most oils have a mild or little smell but you can always make up your own blend with the addition of essential oils like Rose, ylang-ylang, and geranium as all are regarded as great for romance. It also pays to make sure they are not too strong as you don’t want burns or rashes to you or your partner’s skin or body parts.
Because you may experience some awesome sex post-massage or be using sex toys or aids that may involve penetration also make sure that you have ample lube on hand. You don’t want to hurt your partner using anything that may not be suitably lubricated.
Massage Techniques for Bedroom Bliss
Earlier, I identified that the best massage techniques to use that would assist with a mixture of relaxation, sexual awareness, sexual satisfaction as well as enhanced sexual bonding with your partner are; Sensual Massage, Erotic Massage, Tantric Massage and Lingam Massage. Now it is time to tell you more about those different massage techniques so that you can add them to you and your partner’s repertoire.
This is a fantastic technique to build some intimacy and closeness as you massage your partner. The purpose of sensual massage is that you are using touch to give pleasure to your partner. One person is the giver and one person is the recipient.
If you wish to improve your basic massage skills there are plenty of good examples on YouTube or Vimeo that you could watch initially. Once more confident in that, you can be creative and improvise, taking the massage in a more sensual direction that works within the boundaries you and your partner have discussed and agreed upon.
How to give a Sensual Massage
The key thing is for the person giving the massage to convey that their actions are all for the person being massaged; that you are not trying to get something from them.
Start with the person lying face down at first.
Make sure that your hands are warm, then add a little Massage Oil to your hands. Start with massaging their back and remember that this is not a Therapeutic Massage; there is no need to hunt out knots etc. or to apply to firm a pressure. You want to enjoy connecting with your partner in a relaxing way so that they feel great.
The order of a massage as you move around your partner’s body is; back and shoulders, then legs. After this get your partner to turn over. You then massage their legs and feet, then arms, and finally their neck and shoulders. A scalp massage can also be added in to the routine if it is an area your partner enjoys being massaged.
When giving a sensual massage, you can massage areas that would not be touched in a professional massage, like breasts and inner thighs or close to the anus, vagina, penis or testicles. Remember; this is about them so it is best if your actions are about giving instead of having an ulterior or seduction motive. However, you can communicate about what feels good. Of course, if that happens, you’re free to go where you want with as a consenting, adult couple.
Sensual Massage techniques, as above, form the basis of an Erotic Massage. However, there is now the introduction of a greater Sexual Awareness for the person being massaged. This is reached by massage and touch around their erogenous zones, so that they achieve or enhance their sexual excitation or arousal; often to the point of orgasm or ejaculation.
Massage have been used for medical purposes for centuries, with their use for erotic purposes the same. For women, the two focal areas are the breasts and pubis, while for men, there is a focus on their genitals. If your massage includes your partner’s genitals, this is usually described as mutual masturbation.
This Massage technique may also include stimulation and penetration of your partner’s body such as with your lips, tongue, finger or fingers, with your penis if male and through the use of sex toys and sex aids.
These things also have great benefits for you and your partner’s sexual awareness, sexual satisfaction and sexual bond.
This is also a massage technique that lends itself to theming or fantasy elements such as the masseur wearing a sexy costume such as revealing outfits made from latex, leather and studs, nurse’s outfits, sexy lingerie, a G-string, Jock Strap, or Mankini etc.
Strip tease could also be incorporated if that is something that appeals to you both. For an example a female performing the massage could gradually remove her clothing and then lean over her partner so that her hanging breasts could tease the skin of her partner. She could also strip completely naked so that her partner could touch her body at that point of the massage or even perform oral sex on them if in a suitable position.
If it is a male that is performing the massage similar techniques could be used such as letting their penis touch the person being massaged as they work around the body so that mutual touch and even oral sex is performed.
The use of novelty items and/or sex toys and sex aids can add some fantastic sensations to this type of massage. For those of you that may be more “mild than wild” you may want to explore an online sex store so that you feel more discrete. Those of you that are more towards the “wild” end of the spectrum may already have a good idea of what’s available.
Fore example there are body paints, sex kits (with a selection of popular items), anal prostate massagers, cock rings, nipple rings and clamps, strap on harnesses and strap on cocks, anal beads and butt plugs, various types of vibrators including remote controlled, dildo’s and dongs made from various different products, as well as douche products to name a few.
The main thing to remember with erotic massage is that you are two consenting adults and are free to safely explore your desires, fantasies and kinks in privacy.
Tantric massage performed at home is similar to sensual and erotic massage in that the person being massaged is nude — however, unlike traditional massage, it’s quite a different experience and involves nudity, genitals and often orgasms and ejaculation.
If you were having a Tantric massage from a trained practitioner then there would be an additional emphasis on healing and energy flow. The goal of a trained practitioner would also not be reliant on the person being massaged to orgasm.
However, most people are not professionally trained, so for the purposes of a Tantric massage at home then you would focus on the elements that will bring the greatest sexual awareness and sexual satisfaction to you and your partner.
How is a Tantric massage performed?
The person being massaged will be nude. First, you will massage them all over their body with warm oil. The massage and touch are designed to awaken their erotic energy and spread it throughout their entire body.
They might experience many different reactions in their body, thoughts and emotions during the massage. This is normal.
Not all tantric massages include the genitals, but it’s definitely a special moment and can have fantastic results.
As you massage your partner, use your fingers lovingly and respectfully, massage and touch the inner part of their Yoni (vulva/vagina) or the shaft and knob of their penis if they are ready and comfortable. This allows them to experience a loving, healing and respectful touch without having to reciprocate, or to react in a particular way.
The Yoni Massage
If a Tantric Massage is performed on a woman it is known as a Yoni Massage and if performed on a man it is a Lingam Massage.
Yoni massage is a practice intended to truly honor a woman, to give her selfless pleasure, and to explore the sacred side of our sexuality.
A Yoni massage for a woman isn’t about having one orgasm. It’s about trying to feel much more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage. It makes a fantastic foreplay to lovemaking.
Throughout the massage get your partner to take deep, slow and audible breaths. This grounds them in their body rather than just their head, and it helps to spread the orgasmic energy throughout their body.
Stimulating your partner’s clitoris is great foreplay for sexual intercourse. For your female partner you can also perform a full body massage or tantric breast massage as a prelude for the yoni massage. The goal here is relaxation so that arousal can build slowly.
A gentle stomach massage with oil is a good start. The stomach is often overlooked area of the body but has many nerve endings. Massage the rib cage, between the breasts, and the lower abdomen.
As there is a response from the, slowly circle the breasts before circling the areola; carefully avoiding the nipples at this stage. When your partner’s body reacts again gently tease the nipples by alternating between circles and light pinching, and varying levels of touch.
Once you have stimulated her body with a breast massage and nipple stimulation, move on to the yoni massage.
Circle the tip of her clitoris with the tip of your finger to bring on arousal, alternating between smaller circles and larger ones. Vary your pressure from light to heavy.
Press down on her clitoris; making small push and pull strokes. Then slide your finger down the shaft of the clitoris. Repeat this on both sides of the shaft, bearing in mind that some women are often more sensitive on one part of the clitoris than another.
She may also respond if you tug the clitoris; by pulling it gently away from the body by grasping at the sides and tugging back and forth. You can also move lower and tug the sides of its lips. Vary your strokes from the top of the clitoris and down to its lips. To then roll the clitoris, start by holding it firmly and rolling between the thumb and the index finger.
Using as many fingers as needed, tap the clitoris in varying rhythms to learn what her body responds to most.
You partners’ G-Spot will appreciate some attention. To find it, curve your first two fingers like the letter C and slide them into her vagina.
You are looking for a soft, spongy piece of skin behind the clitoris. You can massage it with your curved fingers. Vary your stroke speed.
You can also tickle the clitoris simultaneously at the tip, or place pressure on or above the pubic bone. Make sure to mix up all the above and vacillate between stimulating the clitoris in the various ways, while also involving the G-spot and nipples.
Your goal is to get your partner to the state of reaching multiple orgasms. When her body seems about to explode, slow it down, pull away, then build it back up again to create multiple waves of orgasms instead of just the one.
During the post orgasm stage, place your hand on her heart to help keep the body grounded, connected, and so she can feel the loving energy. Then build the arousal back up to the edge of orgasm once again, and then back off and slow it down. The longer the foreplay the more pleasure she will experience.
Once the orgasms have stopped, still hold here for several minutes as this will send massive amounts of energy to her and help with her levels of sexual awareness and sexual satisfaction and of course the sexual bond between you two.
The Lingam Massage
This is a form of Tantric Massage performed only on men as the word Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the penis.
Lingam Massage can be done two ways; either by the man edging on themselves as a part of masturbation or with a partner giving the man the massage. It can be an independent act or foreplay to sex.
The Lingam massage involves massaging and stroking the penis but also can also incorporate more advanced techniques, including the testicles, perineum, and the Sacred Spot (Prostate).
It is a practice that truly honors the man and is therefore done to give him pleasure. There is a huge amount of sexual energy or chi in a man’s penis. Learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful and wonderful for your sexual relationship with one another.
The purpose of Lingam Massage is about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage.
Get your partner to lay on his back in the most comfortable position for him. His legs should be spread apart with his knees bent, so you have easy access to all of his genitals.
Throughout the massage get your partner to take deep, slow and audible breaths. This grounds them in their body rather than just their head, and it helps to spread the orgasmic energy throughout their body.
Use massage oil to oil the penis shaft and his testicles. Start by sliding your hands up and down his thighs before getting to the genitals. This is a great relaxation for him. Compliment him on something you like about what you’re seeing and touching as this will be a turn on for him knowing you find those areas sexually attractive.
Gently and slowly massage his testicles. Techniques to try include; using your fingernails gently on his testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand.
Massage the area around his testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of his thighs, and his perineum (the area between the testicles and the anus) as this is immensely sensitive to most men.
Be sensitive with the testicles. Some men are more sensitive or ticklish than others. Presumably you and your partner are already well aware of his sensitivity levels.
Now it is time to start massaging the penis shaft. Vary your grip from harder to lighter and also vary your stroke between straight up and down and a twisting motion. It is also good to alternate the action from one hand to two hands. When using just one hand, alternate between using the right hand and the left hand. Also vary the speed from slow to fast. Start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again. Keep alternating the rhythm, speed, rhythm, and the methods.
Alternate the shaft strokes to start from the root of the penis shaft right up to the head. Once at the head, either continue the straight up and down motion, or you can do the twist (going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis).
If using both hands to massage his penis you can mix things up from the above actions so that each hand is doing the same thing or even working at different speeds or directions, etc.
The point at this stage is not to let him climax as you want to keep him right on the edge or orgasm. From paying close attention to his breathing, his vocal sounds, how his body is moving, you are probably able to tell if his orgasm is close.
When you can tell that he is on the edge, pull back on what you are doing, or slow it down; reminding him to breathe so that he enjoys the moment. He mayt go from an erection to being semi-hard, but that is what is supposed to occur.
It is time now to massage the prostate; a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When stimulated properly, it is very pleasurable for men.
You can access the prostate externally, internally with your finger or with an Anal prostate massager designed exactly for that purpose.
If your man is uncomfortable with you reaching it internally you can also reach the spot externally, midway between the testicles and anus. You can massage it with your fingers and knuckles and may have to shave the area first if there is a lot of body hair in that region. Remember to use plenty of massage oil.
If your man is willing to, or already likes anal play he may want the prostate massage internally. It is best to loosen up his anus with massage oil. Start by massaging the outside of the anus or the sex toy, with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Don’t insert a finger or sex toy without his permission.
If he is ready for insertion, start by inserting just the tip of one finger at first. To loosen him up, wiggle it back and forth until he is comfortable with that, and then you can insert your finger(s) or sex toy more deeply. Once deep inside him you can gently caress it by moving your finger or sex toy from side to side, up and down. Let him lead with whatever he is comfortable with.
To end the massage, you can allow him to climax with an ejaculation orgasm or move onto sexual intercourse.